I sat and I stirred.

I stirred hard. My eyes melted into the smile of my youngest daughter’s photograph on my phone.

And still I melted. Into that moment, into her eyes and smile of the joy and excitement she was feeling that day, on her 5th birthday. 🎂

And I couldn’t help but imagine, what if I didn’t have her anymore.

What if I didn’t have my daughter in my arms, but all that I had was her photograph.

And I can’t imagine that level of pain.

I can’t fathom that depth of despair.

With eyes that sink into a moment that isn’t this moment.

And I finally understood why we have photographs. I heard him say to me.

“It’s because I hold your every moment.”

And I see the photographs, bundles on top of each other, happy times, sad times, all times.

He holds each one, he has each photograph, each moment of our lives.

He holds.

Every one.

What does it even mean to hold a moment.

It means this.

That moment of joy, he held you.

That moment of pain, he held you.

His hands covered you. His hands eclipsed you.

He cocoons you.

He holds your EVERY moment.

He has an album with your name on it.

And he has so many slots for oh so many more moments.

Side note 📝

I believe that everything we do here is on a very small scale an imitation, of what God does. I believe our cameras capture something 2-D and they even capture videos were we can go back and watch. But God does not go back and watch. God does not just hold a flat 2-D moment nor view a moving one.

No, our God he is above time and beyond it. He’s not just here today. He is not just here with me in this moment, but he is already in tomorrow with me. He is still with my 16-year-old self as she lay in bed crying and wishing that she didn’t have to still exist in the morning. He is still with her, he is still holding her on the night that she wished she was brave enough to take too many tablets.

He is still in that moment, holding.

How is it possible for the God to hold not only today? But yesterday, to hold and not only yesterday but tomorrow. To hold not only this generation but the generation past and previous and the generations to come.

He still holds you every moment and there is not one which will escape his hand not one moment will escape his notice or his gaze, but he is stirring hard into each one.

As I wrote this today, he reminded me of what he told me a few weeks ago. He said that I would write a book on depression and just as I did then I did also today I said to him “But I have nothing to say.”

And I love his assertive reply “I will tell you what to say.” And in that moment I was moved to that moment with Moses when Moses said to God but what will I say? God said I will put the words in your mouth.

You see Melissa maybe I will make a story out of your story. Maybe I will use your story as a story that others will read so that they may hear my voice from what I said to you.

I remember in that moment the one thing that was enabling me to hold on was the thought 💭 that someday it wouldn’t be like it was today. That someday life would be good and worth it. And whilst you could argue that it was my thought, I am inclined to believe that it wasn’t.

I am inclined to believe that it was him holding me.

Holding me, enabling me to hold on.

Maybe someone else needs to know that he already has that moment tomorrow, he already has that moment of stepping up to Pharaoh, he already has the words for your mouth in response to your Israelites.

He already has because he already holds.

Exodus 4:12

12Now go; I will help you speak and will teach you what to say.’